Ever felt like another person, regardless of a friend, partner or family member, invests less time and effort into you than you do into maintaining a relationship with them?
Its easier to say than realizing and eventually accepting it but for some people, no matter how much love and care, for some, you will just be an option. You will always reach for the person, while he or she gives less back. For some, I needed a very long time to accept that I am an option. With others, I cut it off right away once I realized it. For the latter, it obviously hurt less. However, in some cases, it was very painful and I couldn’t let a lifelong friendship or a relationship go. I kept giving second, third and numerous more chances to be played by a person I wished would act right, would care as much as I care.
Eventually, none of them stayed, these friendships and/or relationships never lasted. And no matter how hurt I was, time really heals everything and it was the best for me to have people walk out of my life, who wasn’t scared to lose me in the first place. Who didn’t put much time into keeping in touch or reached out when I asked them for help or had no interest in sharing their life with me and gave almost annoyed answers. You don’t have to beg someone to be your friend or partner.
There have been times, where I wasn’t a first choice and yeah, that sucks. Man, I even stopped dating [over a year ago, the post is below] and re-evaluated my life after realizing that I would have chosen someone regardless and without hesitation. And you know what I realized long, long after that? I never felt the same way about myself.
I never felt so sure to choose myself first, to make myself a choice and not just an option, putting my feelings and wishes second and re-accommodate them towards certain people, certain friends or guys. I wasn’t choosing myself, why would they? So the most important person you have to love and choose, every single day, in good times and bad times, is yourself. To love yourself, to be kind to yourself, patient, caring. To give yourself a break some days, and push the limits on other days. To walk away when you are treated unfairly and aren’t appreciated. To choose to only let people into your life that value you, and that will give you as much as you give them, that aren’t there to continuously hurt and disappoint you but to lift you up, to care for you and happy to share their time and create new memories and share laughter and tears with you. Choose yourself and don’t accept anything or anyone that treats you like an option. I needed forever to learn and accept it, and sometimes when I bump into people who saw me as an option and I saw them as a choice – it still stings. Honestly, it still hurts a bit because I got reminded of how little I loved myself in these moments, so little, that I was willing to accept some things I did not deserve.
Remember that cheesy line from Stephen Chbosky in The perks of being a wallflower?
“We accept the love we think we deserve”
We should only accept the purest love, fulfilling careers, caring friends, genuine feelings. We should choose ourselves, care and love ourselves, and not treat ourselves as an option.
Thank you so much for reading 🙂
Hope you enjoy my other blog posts as well! Lots of love, Tuni ❤
Below is my last post about the things I learnt after getting roofied.
- Going through trauma and post-traumatic stress – It’s okay not to be okay
- My guy friends and the way I love them deeply and differently
- Moving and finding an apartment in Taipei (with rental agencies)
- It’s been 5 years – happy anniversary
- Positive news about my benign tumors: My life lately and a thank you the people who help me through this